Check it

If you've ever been out w/ me, you'll find out fast that I'm a very personable individual. I'll talk to anyone, and make friends w/ everyone. If you meet me and don't like me, you have no soul. Flat out. Lol. I got it honest, my mom is the same way.

A couple of months ago, back in March to exact, my grandfather was sick so my mom came over to check out what was going on w/ him in the hospital. While she was there, she met and older gentleman, they exchanged numbers, and he told her to call whenever she was coming over for a visit...

Rule #362

Adventurous

So whn I was talking the non-scenic route to work, I used to pass a video store by the name of "Video Exclusive". They also had a sign that said, "Great selection of Adult DVDs for sale". By now, you know I love anything associated w/ porn, so I made a mental note of it for later.

Thursday, Cupcake & I went to Red Lobster for "Friday Food & Drinks" since I was leaving for Fort Wayne on Friday to visit my grandfather. On the way there, I noticed that the video store was directly across the street from the Red Lobster. I was determined to get "This Is Not The Good Times" which is a porn parody. After looking around & laughing for about ten minutes, Cupcake came across the parody section. The titles...the subjects...ridiculous.

Anyway, I left w/ "Not The Good Times" & "Not The Cosbys" prts one and two. Got home, and found out the DVD/cd portion of my laptop doesn't work anymore...so sad.

Dope.

Sex On The First Date? Don't mind if I do!

I don't give a shit about givin it up on the first night That just let me know she know what she want out of life What a hell of a way to goddamn wake up


Lately on Twitter I've been seeing a discussion about "sex on the first date" and to be truthful, I believe in it.

I have no problem w/ fucking on the first date. I'm eventually going to do it anyway so why should i hold out for weeks and weeks, knowing that Im going to fuck them eventually anyway. Most dudes change after sex, so why should I waste my time making myself wait, only to find out that the dude ain't about shit and can't fuck *Kanye Shrug*.

Mass Bird-icide

Maybe it's just been happening to me, but it seems like whenever I'm out driving, I've had at least one run-in w/ a bird. For example, one day I was driving to work and there was a bird by the curb. When I got closer, the bird decided to take off, very, very slowly. I almost ran into the fucking bird. I literally scared the shit out of it bird because it shitted on my window.

Then there was another time, also when I was driving to work, where a bird was walking across the street. I had to swerve out of the way in order to avoid hitting it. It still never flew away. The indignant bastard.

Maybe I should see what bird plays for in the dream book so I can play that shit in the lottery...get that money mayne.

"Aye, there's this orgy, you wanna go w/ me?"

That's what I asked Etana on my way home yesterday. I was joking of course, but I wanted to see what she was going to say. She said no, I kinda figured she would, but I just wanted to push her a little further. So I kept going on, made up a location, and time, and asked her again, "So will you go w/ me". Her response was, "No, I'm a mother"...simply stating that you're a mother doesn't make the reasons that you wouldn't want to go an orgy readily transparent, but I digress.

So I say, "it's just like watching a porn" and she doesn't watch porn. Finally I just said, "well I'm going. Are you going w/ me?" she said no. So I started to think like damn, she would really let me go on my own. I finally told her I was joking after about 5 minutes and she said, "aw man. I really thought you were serious. I definitely wasn't going to go". Wtf kind of friend lets another friend go to an orgy by themselves?! And it wasnt like she was trying to talk me out of it. She was just saying "no".

I was telling Victor about it today, and he also knows about how she left me at the club on new years eve (see my very first post for that story) and said, "Shit, maybe y'all need to evaluate yall friendship, LOL". He thought it was hilarious.

On some other shit, going to an orgy is on my Bucket List. I have to do it (see one
/participate in one)sometime before I reach 25...def before 30...

When Being Friendly Goes Wrong

Apparently I'm a huge flirt but it rarely, if ever, works to my advantage. For example, I could be "nice" (that's my version of flirting) to someone all night. Laughing, smiling, telling jokes, all of the normal "Christin" stuff that people call flirting, and the guy never bites. When I'm on some drunk, "I'm being stupid w/ my friend" shit, a dude decided to ask me for my number. Listen here, this is the FIRST time that shit has ever happened. In all of my years of going to clubs & bars, I NEVER get asked my number on some "let's chill" type shit...but I digress.

So I'm out w/ Cupcake for our patented Friday, food & drink Friday and I'm being my normal self w/ the bartender Frankie. He's kinda cute, nothing to write home about, but not so horrible to be banished to the bell tower. I'm fucked up, I'm flirting, and he decides to ask for my #. I'm my alcohol induced haze, I agreed to this. Gave him my number, he said he'd call me, and I left.

He called, we texted, no profound conversations or anything, but just small "good mornings" & "how ya doings". So yesterday I asked, "do you live alone", I held my breath for the response. I just knew that a 31 year old bartender/Dj/jack-of-all-trades HAD to live alone...but he hit me w/ that patented response

"Nah, not right now. I got my dad & my sister living w/ me right now"

That could quite possibly be true but, WE DON'T BELIEVE YOU! Told you I never catch the ones that I want...so I'll keep searching for that one that warms my heart & puts out my fires.

Until next time...

It's Gonna Be A Big Nut Bust

I posted this on my old blog before the divorce, but in honor of reliving the hilariousness that is Boss Nigger, I feel that we should let the random homeless guy also get a reshowing...

Also came across a band named, Does It Offend You, Yeah , who decided to sample the video and made a dope song out of it. Check it out...

Boss Nigger

Sometime last year, Claude went over his parents house and his dad was watching a western. Nothing out of the ordinary there, but wait, there's more. So the intro came on, and it began to sing the triumphs of a boss...boss nigger. I can't make any shit like this up. I'm not that creative lol.

Anyway, check out the intro to Boss Nigger...yes, it has the -er.

Oh, the joys of monogamy!

Earlier on twitter I made a joke about how I love that my next check will me monogamous, and that she's going to be all mine. I started to think about the joys of monogamy, and how much I miss being in a monogamous relationship.

I miss the long chats until the other one falls asleep. I miss the PDA. I miss random txts. I miss being missed. I miss being able to fuck raw. I miss not having to share.

Caught Me Slippin'

So there's this guy name Jermaine that I used to talk to back in february. He was ok, nothing too special, but I figured out in the beginning that it wasn't going to go anywhere. He doesn't have a job, he never went to school, and he still lives w/ his mom. Dont get me wrong, there's plenty of good guys out here like that, but I'my at the point right now where I'd like for the person I'm talking to bring something to the table. If we're not equal, be greater than me, do something! Anyway, I used not being over Claude as an excuse to stop talking to him, but he was so fucking persistent.

When I used to work at my last job I didn't get a chance to look at my phone very often. If he texted me good morning, I might not get to it until later that afternoon and he'd send a text like

"I guess you trying to be fake and ignore me"

Or i'd be driving and he'll say something along the lines of,

"So you're going to just quit talking to me. Oh ok."

I got frustrated w/ that shit and just said fuck it and started ignoring him. I think the last time I responded to his shit was back in March. I don't say a word. He calls, I don't answer. He writes on my Facebook wall, I don't respond. None of that shit...until yesterday.

I was out w/ Cupcake for our patented "Friday Food & Drinks" and I got a text from a random # saying, "hello". So me being the cordial person I was, I responded and asked who it was...it was him. The mothafucka caught me slipping.