Shit Nicole Says...

He pulled the wool over both of our eyes. Fuck that, he pulled the wool over our bodies! He planted inception! The motherfucker planted inception in our mind! We were sleep!

Shit Nicole Says...

I want to rub placenta on his steering wheel. I want to place some crack in his car and make him run a red light. 

Wow...(Part 2)

My attitude at the beginning of the night.

Man, the night was crazy! Read on

Wow...

That's seriously the ONLY way to explain Saturday. Most of you guys who will read this already have an idea of what happened from my tweets on Twitter, but here's the whole story...straight from the horses mouth.

Since the story is a bit long, I'm going to break it up into parts...Day & Night. Enjoy the Day!

Now Introducing: Louie The Laker

Yes baby, I finally got my water-pipe. That bitch is so sexy and it smokes so perfect. I finally got the chance to go to Purple Haze and chose one. While it may sound like picking out a pipe is easy...it's not

Where Do I Begin?

I have a lot to catch you guys up on. I think I'll start with telling you what happened today, Sunday, which was absolutely nothing. Let me tell you, baby, it felt glorious! I'm going to do separate posts about all of the different shit that has happened over the past couple of days. Stay tuned...

I Am Just NOT A Closer

I am a big flirt, but sometimes my mouth writes checks that my tits can't cash (I say tits because I don't have an ass). I can talk all day to a guy about sex; I say penis more than a urologist and vagina more than a gynecologist, but I absolutely CANNOT ask a guy for his number.

Look, I Can't Stay On The Earth No More. Another Galaxy We Must Go

Yes, it's exactly what you think it is, but not really. Actually what you're looking at is "Bath salt" which is actually cocaine's little cousin or some confusing shit like that. It's the cocaine high without the addiction and the throat drainage. It has mephedrone and methylenedioxypyrovalerone in it...go google it.

This Shit...

I can see it happening...this fuvking trip is the one that will officially make me the loner/alcoholic type chick. Right now I'm in the bar/lobby solo at 11:45 on a Monday, sipping on a glass of Washington Apple and listening to Kid CuDi. It's just a matter of time before a guy will walk to me trying to buy a round of shots and get me fucked up. How do I know? Because it's happened everyday without fail. This shit is a crazy life to start. But fuck it, you're only 22 once right?

(Ignore the fact I need a fill-in...that gray still looks hot tho!)

{sing song-y} Awkward!

As you can see, that's a man...that's NOT my roommate Angie. I've become a cockblocker in my own room.

Shit Nicole Says

Look at this old ass man. How you 20 and look 40? These Benjamin Button ass niggas have got to go!

Shit Nicole Says

you know how I know I'm sleepy, when I close my eyes I see penis I know I'm sleepy.

Don't Get Any Ideas Gramps!

So I'm not sure if I ever told you guys, but I have a co-worker who has flirted with consistently since I started with the company back in October. Dude is 46 or 44 years old. Not saying that that's a problem, but, it is lol. Now apparently two of the people that are on this trip have a lil inner-office affair thing going on and I think he's hinting that we should do the same...au contraire mon frere.

Skraight Outta Denver!

a crazy blogging bitch named Christin! Hello there people! How have you been? I know you're so curious about how my work-cation has been and here it is... TIRING!

I have a lot on my mind...

and it's preventing me from focusing on the tasks at hand. I frown and scowl whenever I see a pregnant woman or a child. I absolutely dislike children and I almost barf out of sheer anger/stress whenever I come across them at work. I have to walk away from customers and come back. Its so bad now, that I don't want any children anymore. At one point I even had names picked out, but now whenever I see one all I can think is "Who's life did you ruin"?

Don't even get me started on relationships...I'm so done with those. I'll be content with having a cut/cake/cuddle buddy that I could also have a conversation with. You may ask, "Why do think this way? Why are you such a cynic?". Relationships and and the theory of "love" is bullshit. Don't believe me? Think about something/someone that really hurt you; mentally or physically. I bet, 9x out of 10, it was by someone who "love/d" you.

Eh, it's all bullshit to me, but I may feel that way because I'm bitter. At least I admit it *Kanye Shrug

The only thing that stopped me...

Was that my car ran out of gas 3 blocks away. I don't know if that was God preventing me from ending his life. Or was he saving me for ruining mine. All I have to say is you better thank God for sparing your life. I hate fucking liars...and you're the biggest one I EVER fucking met. I regret the day I ever laid eyes on you...and if you never breathe again, I wouldn't shed one fucking tear.

HAVE A GREAT DAY PEOPLE. Because I will :-)

Shit Nicole Says

Every since he came back it's been drama all around him. You know how Monica has love all over her? He has drama.

Shit Nicole Says

So I'm going to do a new series of blog posts called, "Shit Nicole Says":

"I don't even know why I fool myself thinking I'm about to watch First 48 after 2am. I'm just about to turn to Nick Jr." - Nicole

Mmmmhhhhm

*curl lip* o_O

A Tweet I Saw

• @Wale : Ain't nothing like a woman who thinks the world of you, and ain't scared to tell the world...#feelme ?

• @Wale : Think the world of me.. love me and tell the world of me...love you

• @Wale : Listen to me, Lust for me, be Loyal to me Like me, love me.... Ladies it's that east I swear.. Ok no more #emotweets

• @Wale : Oh, I forgot to say, a mans job is to reciprocate every every every thing given by a woman x 2. That's just my opinion tho #back2myliquor

If You Thought I Was Mean...

then you've never met my mother.

A Tweet I Saw...

@AlliDoIsWingo : Cuddle buddy position available. I'm paying in sex, any takers?

Told 'Ya!

Can you still be called a Negative Nancy when you're right every time? When will people start calling me a psychic?

Nothing to say but...

I am happy today. This not like other days, somehow I feel okay. Somehow I feel okay, whoa.- Kid Cudi

Damn you for being able to dictate my happiness! *Evil Monkey Finger*

A Tweet I Saw...

@FreaksAndTweets : #iwishicould bite your bottom lip while you moan'n in my ear, sending chills down my spine while we're having sex...

Can I Be Frank Once Again?

As you know, I'm leaving for Denver on Thursday. With the exception packing, the only thing on my mind is getting a "session" in before I leave. It's times like these where I get mad at everything that's happened bec now I have to re-up. Anyway, I only have 2 nights to try and lock down some plans; I'm not going to Denver before I get some. That's a promise.

Songs That Have Been On Mental Repeat

It's been a tad bit ridiculous. I've had these songs repeating in my head ALL DAY! Since they've been driving me mad all day, I decided to share my misery with you.

If You Haven't Saw It Yet

Amazon had PS3's for $40. I know at least 5 people that bought one...including myself. I hope you guys bought one, because when I click the link it no longer works. Since the post is technically a legal and binding contract, they have to honor it. Hope you guys bought it while it lasted!

...Locked Box is Open

So I was cleaning and packing today, and I happened to look in a shoe box that I forgot I had hidden some pictures and other miscellaneous beautiful bullshit that you accumulate throughout the course of a relationship. Instead of crying, for the first time in a long time...I smiled. By no means am I saying that I'm over it. I truly don't ever see myself getting FULLY over it (at least I'm honest right?).

Anyway, the picture made me start thinking about everything. I ran the relationship through my mind from start to finish, took about an hour and an half, and all in all, the relationship was incredibly smooth. Wanna reminisce with me? Read on...

*disclaimer* This will probably be my longest blog post ever, but I'll finally say everything that I ever wanted to say. Most importantly, take your white wigs off...Don't judge me.

Aw Yeah!

Guess where I'm going??

My Favorite Songs (At the Moment) Part 2

I went on a downloading spree last night because I found a new program to use (shoutout to Nicole for that!) and I downloaded every song I wanted to listen to and THEN some. Below are some songs that I downloaded last night and a couple of others that I just happen to LOVE!

Enjoy!

Now Introducing: KB

Not sure if many of you know, but I have a Goddaughter by the name of Kerrington Blair. I blessed her with the nickname KB, some times I call her Kare Bear or Pooh (to that she responds by calling me "Pooh") lol.

I went through a spell, actually I'm kinda still in that stage, where I disliked children. The mere sound of them made me want to apply a round house kick to a senior citizen, but after seeing my Goddaughter for the first time in months (I blame her mother), I softened a bit. We've kinda developed this tradition where we always do a photoshoot whenever I see her. If I sit on the couch, she comes over and says "cheese" (which is her prompting me to take out my phone), and we take a bunch of pictures, she's a little performer. Below are the pictures from our latest shoot lol.

Day 1 of The 30 Day Photo Challenge

Day 1: Post a picture of yourself with 10 facts
        

30 Day Photo Challenge

Not sure if you're aware of the 30 Day Photo Challenge on FB, but I have decided to join in. I'm going to do the posts on FB and also on here for the people who happen to randomly come across the blog and aren't FB friends of mine. Below are the rules, and I'm also going to restate the rules whenever I make a post...Got it? Good

#1 Rule To Remember When Playing The Field...

Never let one slip pass the goalie...

I happened to be talking with a friend about the morning after pill (Plan B, Emergency Contraception, whatever you want to call it) and they asked why would someone spend money on something like that. I had to think for a minute and I came up with this; that $50 is a good investment.

Now I'm a Genie...Now-I-am-a-Genie (Updated)

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Clarence Baynard Walker, aka, CB Walker and he is the host of the Flaccid Ego's Free Psychic Energy Reading. I'll never forget when I saw this shit sophomore year, I was hooked! I thought this shit was real, I really thought dude was a psychic. CB is another product of hilarious ass public tv programming out of New York City (wasn't Reverend X "Spirit of Truth" from NY too?). The show was on for 4 years and developed a cult following. People would call in and say the rudest shit while CB would counter with a witty and equally rude response. Each video is like 10 min, but every episode is pure comedy. Below are my favorite 4 episodes.

Word of The Day

Curmudgeon:

A bad-tempered, difficult, cantankerous person

Example:

     "Ugh you're being such a curmudgeon! I don't want to call you a bitch, so I'll call you a curmudgeon"- My Mom.

Yes, my mom has been hoeing my life ALL day.

Au Contrare Mon Frere!

"You not calling yourself being funny now are you? I know you're, hurt but its more dick out there."

If you're wondering who said the above statement, it happened to be my mom (she really said dick, yes. She's where I got the foul mouth from). I was cleaning and seasoning the turkey breast (funny that I had a tittie in my hand when she asked this right? lmao) that I was cooking for dinner and asked me was I "funny" now. I can't blame her for asking, I had a cousin who's recently came out after she had a bad break-up with her ex, and plus I have been to two strip clubs in the span of a week. But momma if you only knew...

Ron Burgundy > Your Life

"I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly..." 

So I was watching Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy earlier, and I forgot how epic the movie was. Every other piece of dialogue was memorable and quotable. Below are easily my top 5 moments from Anchorman.

Fuck Valentine's Day

Yes, it's more than a month away but I felt the need to express my dislike for this bullshit ass holiday early. Yes, I am a bitter bitch and I'm not ashamed to admit it, fuck you very much!

You see face the little boy is making in that picture? That's how I feel whenever I see a cakey ass status or see PDA. If y'all thought I was bad before, you'll have no idea on the shit I'm going to say now. Last Valentine's day was actually my first "real" Valentine's Day and I actually got to do all the cakey shit that I see on tv. You can only imagine the level of bitchitude that I'm going to have this year

I LOVE Strip Clubs!

In the past week, I've been to two different strip clubs and have had a fucking BALL! There is no better atmosphere when you're drunk than being at a strip club with a pocket full of singles. I don't know if many of you know this, but I have a penchant for butts; mainly because I don't have one lol. I'm the person in the group that will point out a person with a big butt, and not talk about it out of jealousy, but out of admiration.

Only Seeing Trees...No Forest

I was having a conversation with Nicole earlier (her blog is once again The N. White Chronicles ) and we were talking about our future. She told me all her plans and things that she had in order and she made the statement,
" You know how when you're going uphill and you can see the top in the horizon, and you can't really tell how far the top is or even if it continues to go up or plateau, but you can see it." and I felt like a proud parent lol. So when it was time for me to say something, "Chrissy Chrissy, where do you see yourself in 5 years?"... for the first time in my life, I had no idea of what my plans were. I realized that I have no idea of where my life is going. I can't even tell you what I'm going to wear tomorrow, let alone what I'm going to do in the next 5 years.

Ladies and Gentlemen: Childish Gambino

Yes, it's Troy from Community lol. A lot of people don't know that he's a rapper, and I've actually been sitting on whether I wanted to make a post about him because he might blow up like Drake and be everywhere...and then I'd be sad lol. Anyway, Donald McKinley Glover, aka Childish Gambino, is actually a pretty great rapper.

It's Just Something About...

Na Na Na Na Na Na...Kid Cudi-i-i! Scott Ramon Seguro Mescudi could get it in any way shape or form and unlike Wale, I know exactly what it is about him lol.

It's Just Something About...

The idea for this post is not originally mine, I stole it from my best friend Nicole's blog, "The N. White Chronicles" (shameless blog plug lol). Anyway, like I was saying, there's just something about Olubowale Victor Akintimehin aka Wale that I can't explain!

Cee-Lo Green: The Lady Killer

You know how you download cd's and you never listen to them? That's what happened to Cee-Lo and his current album "The Lady Killer". I have every solo album and Gnarls Barkley album that he's put out and I absolutely love everyone. Now while I do like "The Lady Killer", it hasn't captured my heart as fast as the other ones did.

To Abstain or Not To Abstain; That is The Question

So about two years ago, I decided I was going to abstain from sex until I graduated from college. Yeah, that shit only worked for 10 months lol. Today I got a text from a guy that I used to like a looooooong time ago. He happens to kinda be in a relationship, and was married at one point. Actually, now that I think about it, his divorce isn't finalized, but I digress... He texted me saying that he had the "house to himself" as if that was supposed to entice me to come over. I decided against it for three reasons:

1. Sneak sex is NOT enticing to me. Being the other woman is NOT a good feeling.
2. I just wasn't feeling it. 
3. It would've been empty sex...no one likes empty sex. I might as well 'bate!

And then I started to think...Why have sex at all when it's going to be mediocre? Why don't I just be abstinent again?

Divinity

You muttered indiscriminate rhetoric
on a cold and obdurate night
Infinite inquiries went unanswered into your
spotless mind with an occasional
regurgitation of an uncertainty. The
ultimate Kanye Shrug. To err is human,
and to blame something else
exhibits damn good management skills.
So authority was relinquished,
subservience was inevitable
and therefor rendered any utterance
of atonement preposterous
and highly improbable.
So where to now?
Off to the Cape of Eidetic,
where many inconsolables retreat
and mull over remote instances of lives no more.
Forever sending postcards
scrawled with "do you remember"s on the back of pictures
featuring the ruins of Pompeii
Itching for a glimmer of some familiarity
like the bite from a mosquito.
I've been bit, and I swear that shit stings
worst than the bees that you're allergic to
I'm tired of being on this trip,
and I want to go home but I know
the objective has yet to be completed.
To err is human, this I know
but it's gonna take a while
before I can get to the "divine"
part.

Aloe Blacc

Aloe Blacc is an artist I've been on for the past couple months. The first time I heard him was singing the theme song to "How to Make It In America" (which happened to star my boo Cudi) and I had forgot about him for a while. Sometime back in October, I happened to hear "I Need A Dollar" over the loud speaker at work. Immediately I went home and searched for anything and everything that I could by him.

Quotes & Sayings That Make Me Laugh #2

"If your life had a face I would punch it. I would punch your life in the face"- Stephen Stills "the talent" via Scott Pilgrim

I laughed my ass off when I read this in the comic. You really have to hate someone to say that you want someone's whole life to be punched. I imagine someone getting punched at every major stage within their life.

Can I Be Frank?

I am horny as hell. It's only been a week but jeeze I'm really going through withdrawal. Yes, I know that most chicks would be in the corner crying and licking their wounds (I still do plenty of that at night lol), but today, all I can think about is sex.

Quotes/Sayings That Make Me Laugh #1

I think I'm going to start posting different quote and sayings that tickle my fancy. For the first entry, we're going to talk about the saying, "Shits and giggles".

For example, "She already left me once, I don't think she'd do it again for (shits and) giggles"- Danny Ocean.

I Need An Opinion

So as you know, I was at the club by myself for NYE. Now what I left out is that I met this chick named Ebonie. I'm a lil confused on what her intentions are, so imma tell you the whole story and you give me your opinion. I can't lie, she's cool ass hell but the way we met is a lil suspect.

Great Movies That I've Watched This Weekend

So Saturday, after my plans to go to the strip club got cancelled, I stayed in the house and watched movies all night. The following 5 movies are simply the funniest shit I've seen in over a week lol.

Fuck, I just have to post this...

So I was talking to a friend and she said,

"Can I be serious with you? In light of everything that has happened within you in the past week in the half. Like, you and your situation, I find it hard to trust him. I trusted him 73% before and now I only trust him like 42% ".

I Dont Understand

(Notice the dude in the picture is hard lmao!)

So I was having a conversation with my friend about relationships (which is what many of my recent conversations have been about) so I asked my friend...

Me: Why have you never tried to ask me out?

Friend Guy: U want 2 much

Me: How?

Friend Guy: u want a nigga to be faithful and funny. sometimes niggas just wanna fuck.

Since when did wanting someone with a personality and be able to keep their dick in their pants wanting too much? Do any of us know what we really want?

My Favorite Songs (At the Moment)

As I stated in my first post, I effin love music. Even though Christmas has passed, I'm going to give you the greatest gift I could ever give you...auditory bliss!

The following 25 songs aren't placed in order by rank or anything like that, just happens to be a song that is within my frequently played 300 songs (Yeah I repeat songs that much).

NYE Party?? Don't mind if I do!

Hello again my loves

While I know many people don't know that this blog exists yet, (I'm posting the link on FB & Twidda when I'm done) I wanna know how your New Years Eve went! Yeah, I'm nosy, so what, sue me. I know you are nosy too so I'm going to let you in on how I spent the last day of the most eventful year of my life (fill you in on the whole year later).

Tell me how you spent your NYE in the comment section and check out my New Years Eve breakdown after the jump!

Why Hello There ;-)

Good evening ladies and gentlemen, allow me to re-introduce myself, my name is Christin. I am 22 years old, graduated from Grand Valley State Univerity (GO LAKERS!), extremely hilarious, hopeless romantic (tell you more about that later), soon to be rich (speaking it into existence), and all around, just pretty fucking awesome. Now you may wonder why I said "re-introduce myself", this is technically my second blog. The previous blog I had, which name escapes me right now (just go to my profile), I lost in the divorce (pretty interesting story that I will explain later).

I will warn you, this will be the most candid, vulgar, and possibly the funniest blog that you will ever read in your life. So sit back, read- sometimes listen (I'm a music hound), and bask in the wonderfulness that is my life.

Thanks in Advance
Christin