The Absolutely Gay-est Shit Ever In Life

The title says it all. No disrespect to their rhymes though. They gets it in. When I went up to GVSU over the weekend (am I a Laker?? Hell yeah, bitch!) for a party. Ashlee showed me one of the videos. I. DIED. Just check 'em out

Better Off Ted

Claude told me about this show a long time ago, and since it was on Netflix I decided to give it a try. IT'S FUCKING HILARIOUS. It also has Portia De Rossi in it *cream*

Anyway, the show is about a company named Veridian Dynamics and all the creepy and weird shit they do. Ted, is the head of the lab and product testing, and has an adorable and super smart daughter named, Rose. Veridian creates the craziest shit. In the first episode, they decided to cryogenically freeze one of it's scientists. When they thawed him out, he started to randomly made this noise...hilarity ensues. The show technically doesn't have a theme or intro. It's just a title card and 3 notes lol. My favorite thing that they do is that every episode features a commercial from Veridian that's related to the theme of the episode. It's just a funny show. Since YouTube sometimes sucks ass...I can't find the funniest clips. *whomp whomp*

I Got A Full-Time Job! (c)- Cupcake

She's been saying this shit for the past 2 or so months...and now my broke ass finally got a good one. I start next Tuesday :-)

Enterprise + Management Training Program + 40-49 hours per week (overtime you get paid $17) + I get to pay all my bills in one check = Bitch I'm Balling.

Nuff Said.

The Spread

I have no idea what the movie is about. I was just trying to find something to put on as background noise, and Chicago was coming on immediately after-wards. Everyone knows that Chicago is long as hell for no reason, so I figured that I could put it on, put my TV timer on for an hour and a half, and be knocked out within the first 30 or so minutes.

The Spread was set to end in about 15, I figured it was enough time to get some water and shit. I come back, and I see Ashton Kutcher holding a dead mouse. I look like "WTF", and then he proceeds to feed it to a frog. The next 7 minutes were so interesting that I wouldn't have minded if it was 30 min. Just check it out.

Keep Calm & Carry On!

...said the queen as she led her trupes into battle. The syncopated rhythm their boots created against the war-torn & shredded turf, provided the soundtrack for the impending Blitzkrieg.

TO THE VICTOR GOES THE SPOILS!

...she echoed, but who can think about gold & booty at a time like this? A frontline pillaged due to greed & the need to conquer more. More will never be enough.

Harbor House: Downtown Detroit

Harbor House Restaurant
440 Clinton Street, Detroit, MI 48226
(313) 967-9900

Saturday I went on a family dinner w/ my cousins, aunts, and parents. The place my cousin chose was The Harbor House. I had never been inside before, but I had parked near it and knew where it was located.



See that table there on the left, that's where we were sitting.

Tommy Timberlake

Tom Haverford, aka, Tommy Timberlake when he wears a bowler and vest, was supposed to take dude to a telethon that Leslie was running to fight diabetes. Tom, and a couple of other people that work in City Hall, owns some shares of a local night club named 'The Snake Hole'. He decided to make a pit stop there, and fuxked around and got drunk off of two light beers (remember, he's small). Apparently "Turn My Swag On" is his shit because he loses it when it comes on.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkhxDFkcGS0&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Since I added it on my phone, I can only post the link...I'll add it properly when I get to my computer.

Spike Lee, He May Be Little, but Films Pack A Punch

Not sure if I ever told you guys, but Spike Lee is my favorite filmmaker. I own all of his movies with the exception of three. About a month ago, I was on the phone with Claude and we were talking about Spike's movies. I told him he should write a series of poems that are inspired by Spike Lee movies. I don't remember why he decided not to, but I said I would. Well tonight I feel inspired and I feel like finally starting on the poems. Ive been thinking about it for a while, and I think the first poem is going to be inspired by 'Girl 6'. I have the poem in my head as a movie (that's the way I write poems, I create the movie, then I write the script, dope right?), I just have to find a way to put it in words.

Anyway, I'll post the poems as they get created.

:-)

Parks & Recre-AWESOME

Since my recent unemployment, I've been watching hella shows on Netflix. I was feeling kinda Randy, Aziz Ansari ( (c)Donald Glover), and decided to check out Parks & Recreation. Back in January when I was in Denver, my roommate Angie was telling me how boss the show was. I was interested, but never gazed upon it, until now.

The show is centered around Leslie Knope (played by Amy Pohler), the deputy director of the Parks and Recreation Department in Pawnee, Indiana. It's done in a "mockumentary" style that's reminiscent of The Office. Knope has an extremely optimistic view of the government and has a really weird obsession with parks. The main focus of the show is "Lot 48" which was an empty pit next to a citizen named Anne's (played by Rashida Jones) house. The lot was originally supposed to be a high-rise, but the developers ran out of money before the project could be completed, thus leaving a huge gaping hole dubbed, 'The Pit'. Anne and was pissed because her boyfriend, Andy, fell into the pit and broke both legs. Leslie, being the lover of parks that she is, decided that this eye-sore could be a park. The show goes through all the bureaucratic red tape that it takes to get the park complete (two seasons in and all they've done is fill it in, and that was only after Andy gave them an ultimatium) and the crazy high-jinks that she and her co-workers go through in their everyday life.

Parks and Rec is comparable to The Office, but what I like more about P&R is that this also deals with the employees' personal life. For example, Tom Haverford (Aziz Ansari) was married to a chick named Wendy. Found out later, that it was a green card marriage (she's from Canada), and that they ended up getting a divorce. Tom fell in love with her 3 days before the divorce was final. Anne and Leslie have a super cool friendship & it'll show them just chilling out on the couch talking and shit. The cameras follow them home instead of verbally telling us about it via 'talking head' or 'one on ones'.

All in all, the show is fuxking boss. I was in love with it from the word, 'Go'. And it doesn't hurt that I get to look at Aziz Ansari sexy ass. He's officially added to my short-list.

P.s.: Aziz Ansari is 5'6 & 3/4"...only 2 inches apart...technically that's still titty height lol.

SHOES!!

Ain't they precious?! Plus, they were only $17...I win!

Death In A Dixie Cup: My Encounter With Liquid Cocaine

So I went up to State to visit Cupcake last week. Friday, the first day I got there, we embarked on a bar crawl. In my four years at Grand Valley, I had never been to a bar crawl. Better late than never.

The second stop of the bar crawl was at a brewery. Cupcake had been talking about a drink name, "Liquid Cocaine", and I figured it would be pretty good since I'm a fan of "Liquid Marijuana". Let me go on record saying this, do not drink Liquid Cocaine unless you don't like your life.

Ah, to be young...Memories

So I was on the phone with the Bestest while he was on his way to work and I got a phone call. The number was blocked, but it didn't matter, I answered it anyway.

*Puts on white person business voice*
"Hello?"
*click*

Now I know that the white person voice didn't throw someone off that much, so I concluded someone was playing on my phone...

Celebrity Apprentice

Is now my shit! I spent the weekend up at State, had a fucking ball btw, and when I woke up this morning Cupcake was watching Celebrity Apprentice. I had never saw the show before, EVER, but I did want to start watching it this season because I knew a lot of the people that were being featured. So here I am, watching the 5th episode, and from then on I was HOOKED.

I'm Too Old For This Shit

So you know how I told you about my ex and his old ass, childish girlfriend (see previous post)? Well, the bitch is nuttier than I thought.

I Googled, "Ghetto black woman" and this came up lmao.

Guys, get it together please...

Sheesh, I don't know where to start. I have this ex named EJ, he ain't shit, no job, never finished school, and doesn't have any aspirations...the epitome of an ain't shit nigga. Aye, aye, AYE! I feel you judging me! Take your white wig off! I was a freshman in college and he was a senior in high school, so he had potential to be more. He just decided to not do shit.

He, like so many other of my exes/friends, called me today and asked me for relationship advice. He was telling me that his girl is super jealous, is always angry with him, and just blows up about small stuff. Nothing really out the ordinary right? She seems like a pretty normal chick right? Well, just wait.

An older woman (man) put a nigga (me) on their bucket list - Wale

Lately I've been thinking about the things that I've been wanting to do before I die. I'll continue to add things as I think of them. (They aren't in any particular order)

1. Go to London
2. Go to Amsterdam
3. Visit an opium den
4. Stand/walk in quick sand
5. Smang someone on my short list
6. Stock my apt/house w/ furniture from Pottery Barn & Bombay (cause they're so fancy lol)
7. Pay off my car
8. Blow a weekend in Vegas
9. Buy a pair of LouBoutin's
10. Own 50 pair of Dunks (Of all different colors & heights!)
11. Skydive
12. Zip line
13. Go on a safari
14. Spend as much time as possible in Philly, New York, DMV & Boston. (Hopefully moving to one of those places)
15. Be able to pay my parents bills in full.
16. Float in the Dead Sea
17. Check out the pyramids
18. Chill in a hot spring
19. Ski/snowboard
20. Engage in a 3some (Come on, you knew some dirty shit were coming eventually)
21. Go to the Caribbean
22. See Amy Winehouse in concert
23. See Jill Scott in concert
24. See Little Brother in concert (since they're no longer together, I'll settle for a Foreign Exchange Concert)
25. Spend some time in Toronto.
26. White Water Rafting

Those are all the things that I can think of right now, I'm going to add more whenever it comes to mind

I'm Never Gonna Dance Again...

Guilty feet have got no rhythm...

My favorite part is when he walks in to the bio class and plays to the professor's vagine...#Classic

E'joy

Pine Bluff...Why Doth Thou Suck-eth So Much?

If you frequent Twitter's Worldwide Trending List, you will see that in addition to Glen Coco trending,  #PBSextape is trending. Unfortunately, the PB does NOT stand for peanut butter because that would have made it more interesting.

The video quality sucked. The sound sucked (because they were watching Crank on full blast and you could barely hear the moans). It was dark. It lasted 12 min. No seriously, the video lasted 12 minutes. It's really not worth seeing, but if you want to watch it, just go to my twitter page @iAmSexBob_OMB, check out my favorites, and the link is there.


I know you peeped that #ShamelessPlug right? lol I'm so boss.

Oh yeah! I forgot to tell you what the PB stood for. It stands for Pine Bluff. Yeah, I know, you wish it was peanut butter too. I told you, smh.

You go, Glen Coco!

In honor of Glen Coco trending on Twitter, I decided to post the scene that started it all...

P.S, did you notice that Gretchen Weiners wasn't trending?? #ImJustSayin'

We Need Hoodrats

I have a friend named Ian that I have known since I was in 8th grade, and the way we met was so adorable. When I was younger my mom used to always have me in some type of afterschool/weekend program.  In one program, I happened to meet this girl named Julie. Julie was a big exaggerator (feels a little harsh to call her a liar), but I love her, she was a cool ass friend.

Anyway, she had a friend named Ian and one day she three-way'd us (that lets you know now old we were), back when 3way-ing was hot lol. Ian and I started to introduced ourselves and found out we stayed on the same block, and was about to go to the same high school. Small world right? So, about a week later we met and we've been best friends ever since. Unfortunately before our freshman year of college, he moved away to North Carolina (HE COMES TO VISIT IN TWO WEEKS!! HAPPY!!).

I was on the phone with my boo Ian and I mentioned how I couldn't wait for the summer to drive my car around and stunt (just like a nigga right? lol). I happened to say, "Even though I probably ain't gonna do shit, but I can't wait, hahaha". Ian replied, "Man what? You got a dope ass car I bet every nigga is going to try and holla. I know how I am, if I see a chick in a hot car I'm like, 'aw shit she got something going'. That shit is sexy ". I had to remind him, "Ian, you must've forgot that this is Detroit, come on now". He said,

"Yeah you right because when I when I get there all I'm trying to fuck with is hood rats. I say it all the time, 'hood rats make the world go 'round'. lol But nah, forreal, if you never fucked with a hood rat, you wouldn't appreciate when a good one when they came along. You never know what the light looks like if you've never been in the dark..."

Shit. Sometimes you just can't argue with logic can you?

I Mean, Who Doesn't Want To Do Hoodrat Stuff With Their Friend? (updated)

"I wanna do it because it's fun. It's fun to do bad things like drive into a car."

I've been looking for this video for years. Nicole used to say this all the time, and I was never able to find it! To  sum up what you're about to watch (if you haven't saw it already), this little bad ass 7 year old boy (Latarian Milton) decided to take his grandma's truck (that was on 'dem fo's, btw), and crashed it.

"If I thought they wouldn't take me to jail, I'd whip his behind right now."

 Just added:

    So after I posted the video, I saw the lil nigglet fought his grandma for a chicken wing a couple of weeks later...check it out lol

Playing Hard To Get

Who doesn't like to play hard to get? I love it! Chase me. Woo me. Compliment me (we love compliments). The fun lies in the chase! Who in their right mind would want anything that came easily? Not I said the duck. I like to be mentally stimulated first.

Unfortunately, I've recently found out that some men don't know the correct way to seduce.

Could You Do It?

Im a fan of 'Secret Diary Of A Call Girl', which comes on Showtime #shamelessPlug. I was catching up on the third season, which is available on ONDemand #shamelessPlug, and I there was an episode where a customer said that he would want to have a relationship with her, despite her job. Later on in the episode, Belle was beginning to have a sexual encounter w/ her book editor and began to think about what the customer said. She knew in her heart of hearts that it would be impossible to get someone to accept her and her job. It made me think:

Would I be able to date someone knowing that they were an escort/prostitute??

The Rat Pack

Do I really need to say anything? These men are the epitome of Boss. They were funny, could sing, and were the cool kids lol. Any of them could definitely get the drawlz. 

Who Could Get It?

I used to play this game with Claude where we would throw out different names and figure out who could get it. We used to do old and more recent people...didn't matter. I think I want to play that with you guys (even though y'all won't respond).

Lena Horne

Josephine Baker

Eartha Kitt

 

 

I made it kinda hard didn't I? Lena Horne looked good even as she got older. Josephine Baker was always naked. Eartha Kitt was the original Catwoman...how in the hell can I choose!? Hm. Fuck, I made this difficult...I'mma have to go with Eartha. It's something about her. That's my choice...what's yours?

Rest In Peace Kurt Cobain

I didn't realize what today was until I went on twitter and noticed it trending. It's a damn shame. I wonder what he would be doing if he was still alive today. In honor of him, I'm going to share one of my favorite Nirvana songs.

Heart Shaped Box

I always liked the song, but recently, I fell in love with it. For Christmas I bought Claude this book about Kurt Cobain. It was boss as fuck. It had pull-outs, reproductions of his drawings, and it had a CD that actually had Kurt Cobain reading from entries in his diary. Aren't I a great girlfriend? I wonder if he's read it, I doubt he has. Anyway, before I gave it to him, I read it. There's this one part where they talk about this tradition that Courtney and he had. They would buy each other heart shaped boxes, and I believe they put little notes and gushy shit like that in there. I loved it. It made me immediately think of the song...anyway, enjoy!

Did You Know?

Did you know that Dolphins have the ability to commit suicide? Check this shit out:

"January of 1970,  Kathy, the dolphin that played Flipper in the television series, was moved to a smaller, steel tank after the show ended. As a result, she had very little contact with people or other dolphins. The trainer said, 'The dolphin did it deliberately. Every breath is a conscience decision for a dolphin, and she just stopped breathing."

Damn, the more you know...

I'm In A Funk

You know I always like to drop the random knowledge on y'all lol

and it comes and goes. It's especially rough at night. The simplest way to put it, I'm tired. Simply tired.

Begging for Authenticity

Like how I just did that? lol. Well, as you already know, I LOVE Foreign Exchange. I love them so much that I'm going to name my first born Nicolay. Ok, that's a lie, but it sounds real good lol. Anyway, Foreign Exchange's most recent album, Authenticity, is fucking epic, but don't just take my word for it...

Now Introducing:

There's this super fly and totally boss chick that I just HAVE to tell you guys about...Lets just call her Jai$ lol. She describes herself as a:

"unicorn by day, a black mermaid by night and a werewolf when I get my urges."

Dope right? But check this shit, she's also smart and creative...

Yesterday...

Was a crazy day to say the least. To keep it as simple as possible, I don't like the word "pussy" anymore. *shivers* *rocks back & forth in the corner*

Ah! I forgot to tell you

This has absolutely nothing to do with the post, but looks cool tho right? lol

I never told you guys that I replaced the word 'awesome'. The new word: 'boss'.

Boss: oddly great, original, & unique. Sometimes unexplainable

Boss can be used to describe a person, place, thing or an idea. Lol. i.e:

I was at Famous Footwear and saw a pair of Chucks that were yellow & honeydew, they were so boss!

That actually happened btw.

Books I Need To Re-Read

I'm watching the Adventures of Huck Finn, and there's some shit happening that I don't remember reading in the book! I know that they probably added somethings in, Hollywood, but I don't remember any of this shit. Below I listed couple of books that I definitely need to re-read.

The Color Purple
Lord Of The Flies
The Stranger- Albert Camus
Death On The Nile - Agatha Christie (I NEVER FINISHED THIS BOOK, and it's haunted me ever since)
Hallowe'en Party - Agatha Christie (I can truly say she's one of my favorite authors)
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (Nigger Jim, tee hee)
The Great Gatsby

I watched about 15 min of the movie Death On The Nile which was supposed to be based on the book...I turned that shit off because it was NOTHING like the book. The book is about Egyptians, specifically Amenhotep, the movie had rich people on a yacht. Yeah, totally not alike

Stomp The Yard: Homecoming

Was a total waste of time. I felt sorry for the gaffer. If you've seen the original and liked it, I beg of you, DO NOT WATCH THE SEQUEL! 

12 & Delaware

12th & Delaware is an HBO documentary about an intersection in Florida. What's so unique about this intersection is that on the east side of the street, there's an abortion clinic. On the west side of the street is a pro-life clinic. Talk about CONFUSION!

I Saw My Apartment...

In my dreams of course...and it was FUCKING AWESOME! Rent was 780, everything was included but lights. They let me redo the kitchen when I moved in. It was a two bedroom, two bathroom, laundry facilities inside the apt, exposed brick and huge factory super apartment! It was beautiful! I had Andy (I told y'all about my future dog right?) I had a house warming, and I was working at Enterprise; life was exactly how I wanted it to be.

Remember What I Gave Up For Lent??

Well forget that shit, son! I couldn't do it. I just. couldn't. do. it. I felt real bad too. I had a talk with God before I did it tho. I hope he forgives me.

If you ever count from Ash Wednesday til Easter Sunday, Lent is not really 40 days, it's 40 and some change. In some religions, you get 6 free Sunday's so you can do whatever you gave up for lent. I took my 'free Sunday' today. I'm not going to do it anymore until Easter, because let me tell you, THAT SHIT WAS GREAT SON! I immediately felt bad after-wards tho. I said "Man, those couple of seconds, weren't worth it. I could've just said no".

I'm definitely praying before I go to bed. God and I need to have a talk. I need to make sure that he's not too mad at me so I can still get this job lol. I'm only slightly joking by the way. Pray for me...

There You Go, Fucking With The Natural Order Of Things..

On my father's side, there's 4 grandchildren: Evel, Alvin (who's my brother), Rijon, and me. The craziest shit is that we're all 3 years apart. The deal was that we were supposed to keep the tradition going by keeping the great-grands 3 years apart, Rijon just had to go and fuck everything up!