What Have I Done With My Life?

I ask myself this every couple of months, or when something makes me realize that my life sucks. A couple of weeks back I was talking to Nicole and I realized that my life SUCKS! I'm not saying it on some "Oh woe is me I got cheated on and lost my job" type shit, I'm saying it because I haven't lived my life. When I think about college, while I do have great memories, I don't have anything that I could retell and people say, "Awwww shit! damn I wanna do that"!

I really realized that shit earlier when I was on the phone with Claude. He was telling me a couple of stories about some shit he did when he was younger, and I got jealous. I seriously got jealous at the fact that he had stories to reminisce on and I don't have that.

I wish I would've gotten drunk more. I wish I would've fucked around more. I wish I did more embarrassing shit. From here on out, I'm living reckless. Not "doing meth, getting pregnant & raw dogging" type reckless. But more like "snorting cocaine a couple of times (joke??) and drunken one nights stands where condoms ARE used" type of reckless. I need to have embarrassing things to keep from my future children.

I'm beginning to realize that I'm a bit too serious about life. I'm 22 years old, but I stress like a 47 year old divorcee with 6 kids, a mini-van with 3 past due car note and a bastard child on the way. I need to stop that or I'll die young...

Netflix (high dot low dot) You 'da shit!

Since my fortunate termination at work, I've had plenty of time on my hands, and Netflix has been doing a good job at keeping me occupied. The only movie that I watched was Mystery Team; which is fucking hilarious, btw. Anyway, I watched the first 6 seasons of The Office; which is the shit! I was happy that Jim & Pam quit fucking around and finally got their shit together.

I think my favorite thing of the show is Michael Scott & his love life. He's a hopeless romantic, and I love that about him. Jan was a bitch; flat out. There isn't much that needs to be said about her, but Holly?? Holly and Michael were so lame that they were magnificent. I LOVED IT! I was extremely sad that she moved away, but I looked ahead I saw that they got back together. WHO'S SMILING? I AM!

The other show that I started watching is 30 Rock. Tina Fey is the shit; flat out. lol The reason I decided watching 30 Rock was because I needed to get more Donald Glover in my life after watching The Mystery Team. Donald (we're on a first name basis you know) writes for the show and I said, "Hey, let me finally check this out" and it's pretty fucking great. I will admit, the first 18 episodes were a bit rough, but the 19th episode turned everything on it's head. I don't remember specifically what happened, but it was the first time I had laughed hard enough to almost pee on myself.

What I like about both shows is that they do random obscure references that no one know else realizes. 30 Rock casually mentioned Basquiat (which you know made me cream) and they have Elaine Stritch playing Baldwin's mom. If you have the chance, watch The Office & 30 Rock.

Just Thought You Should Know...

I took my tongue ring out in anticipation of my new job. You see how I'm speaking that shit into existence, son! Bad thing is...I feel normal. While a tongue ring is extremely common and a lot of young hood rats who have two kids by 4 different dads have them, I felt like it made me stand out. All I am now is a smart chick with straight teeth, big boobs and long hair. I have to get a new and visible tattoo, or a new visible that I'd be allow to still wear at work.

I need to do something fast... 

So I Was Unemployed but...

None of that shit matters because I had an interview with Enterprise today that was epic! On top of that, they want me to do a 2nd interview next Thursday. I really really really really really hope I get this job. It's a decent amount of money, and for the first time in a long time I thought about a future.

I've Officially Become a Nigger

Yes, I left the 'er' on that bitch...

Hookers For Jesus

Back in the day, Claude & I made up this joke about chicks who stripped for Jesus. Fast forward to the present, I happened to be looking for shit to watch on ONDemand and I came across some shit labeled 'Hookers'. You know I had to click that shit.

So 'Hookers: Saved On The Strip' is about this chick named Annie who was a prossie in Vegas and decided to get out of the game because she knew girls lives were in danger. Annie decided to save chicks and let them know that Jesus loved them, and started an organization named Hookers For Jesus.

I can't lie, the shit is interesting/funny. Annie is too funny because she's really holy-holy...but she's an ex-hooker. So when she interprets the Bible during Bible Study...it's just too funny. Hearing the girls' story of how they got into the game is pretty interesting. One chick was sex trafficked. Another one had the pimp mafia after her, was addicted to drugs and alcohol. It's pretty interesting, flat out.

Check it out, Hookers: Saved On The Strip. It comes on Investgation Discovery. Dont ask me what day ad time, because I have no idea.

So There's This Guy

And I love him to death, but he's so fucking stupid.

So a lil synopsis, he was dating this shitty shitty girl, who was super young, was a liar, and was a cheater. I hated her. She made him stop hanging out with his friends, especially me bec she was threatened by our relationship. They've been broken up for about years and he's still not over it. Shit I know I'm not one to talk, but this nigga just makes makes the wrong choices in women. Every girl he has talked to, has been a stripper or just a shady bitch in general. The part that kills me, is that he's constantly surprised when these scurvy ass chicks finally show themselves to be what they always were; ho's. He always makes himself jump through hoops like going celibate for no reason, or giving up porn, or stop talking to girls who are truly on the up & up, and genuinely like him, for skeezits.

Anyway, what prompted me to write this is because we were on the phone and he made the statement, "I don't know how you deal with this whole being single thing", and I hate being single. I hate it. But I say it all the time, I can never settle for mediocrity. If imma do something, I have to go all in. I came to the conclusion yesterday that I'm not going to cry, and dwell and steep on the past bec it's not going to change A THING!

Sometimes I just want to smack him, because it just doesn't make sense to me. It's been two years, the bitxh almost ruined his life, but he's so stuck on her. I just don't understand. But then again, I guess we're not meant to understand everything.

P.s I wrote thison my phone, so any spellin and grammatical errors, I apologize.

Check This Shit

So you know how I said I was going to wikipedia Jheri Curl? Well I was serious about that shit and when I went to check it out, it came up with a gang! So apparently it was this Dominican gang out of Manhattan who all had high-top jheri curls. The dudes were ruthless, one of em shot his girlfriend in the kneecap because she made fun of his limp...ain't that a bitch?

P.S. It's named Jheri curl after Jheri Redding, the white guy that created it. Ironically, i don't think Jheri had a jheri curl...or at least I cant find a picture of
him with one. Wikipedia, you win again.

I Would Be So Hot If I Had A Jheri Curl

I washed my hair the other day and I decided it would be a perfect time to have a photo shoot.

P.S. I'm I the only one who finds it odd that it's spelled J-h-e-r-i? I think I'm going to wikipedia that...

Yes, that's my boob, not that's not my butt. I actually have no idea what that is lol

Man, Karma isn't nice!

So I was trying to find something on Netflix after I finished the 4th season of Psych. I was hoping that the 3rd season of Big Bang Theory was 'instant' and not 'disc only'...of course it was only available on disk. I became a fan of the show while I was with Claude but it was actually another ex that introduced me to the show. I started thinking about him, his name actually escapes me right now, and I started feeling really really bad because I cheated on him. He never knew about it, but now I think karma is finally getting me back...

Apparently I'm not a real Scorpio

I have this cousin that's absolutely great. She's a mirror of me but w/ bigger boobs, an ass, and a flat stomach. I hate her but I love her lol. Anyway, she skyped me earlier today because she read my blog and noticed that I'm always talking about how I'm not having sex, how I'm horny, & how "you did the dumbest shit ever and stopped touching yourself". She also decided to question me about my sex life. Read on:
(I combined multiple messages to save space...)

Sardidoh: hey bitch

Me: hidey ho-ho

Sarididoh: so what's this shit about you giving up loving yourself?

Me: what the hell you talking about Sari?

Sarididoh: blog bitch. Your blog.

Me: talking about me giving up masturbation? Lol. I love myself, im just not rubbing myself lmao.

Sarididoh: you're a disgrace to all Scorpio's out there. No Scorpio will ever say they not going to beat off

Me: well I don't have a penis so I'm not beating off but I get what you're saying. Lol

Sarididoh: that's not funny. And you're not fucking right now? How in the hell do you not have anyone to fuck?! What about an ex or something?

Me: well there isn't that many to choose from, & you know I really only want one in particular.

Sarididoh: fuck that nigga, & what do you mean there aren't that many to choose from? You're not a virgin!

Me: yeah but I'm not a ho neither. I can count on two hands, and I won't even need all off the fingers on the 2nd one

Sarididoh: you need to be using the fingers on that 2nd hand Lmmfao. But seriously that's it? WTF type of scorpio are you? I'm killing you in the number game

Me: that's fine

Sarididoh: no bitch, it isn't. Are you sure you're bday is w/in the the right range? Bec you are the most prudish Scorpio I know

Me: yes bitch I know whn my fucking bday is

Sarididoh: oh yeah, you're an oct one. You a liborpio lmao

Me: bitch a what?

Sarididoh: a libra/scorpio. All the nastiness of a scorpio and the emotions of a libra #youaintreal

Me: oh alright. WTF. Crazy bitch

Sarididoh: you should fuck my pers. Yall will have fun

Me: right

Sarididoh: see, there you go with that withholdin and prude shit. That's why you horny right now. Ain't you?

Me: fuck you bitch don't judge me...take your white wig off. Lol

I think I should have thought this through

As you know, I decided to give up 'bating for Lent & I think I made the dumbest choice ever in life. I really really didn't think this shit through! I thought it would be easy to do bec I've done it before, & it's not like I'm addicted to 'bating. I just like to do it. I should've thought about the fact that I'm not having sex, & haven't had any for a while. I should have thought about the fact that I have an abnormally high sex drove so the combination of no sex, plus no way to relieve my urges would result in restlessness.

I've been laying here for the past couple of hours trying to figure out how I can 'arrive' w/o violating what I gave up. So far, I've figured out that I can either have sex, get Brandon (euphemism for oral), or have someone else rub it for me. The problem w/ that is, I don't have anyone lined up to do ANY of those.

Sheesh.

Can't Think Of Anything Catchy

I miss sex. I miss the grabbing, the flipping, the ass smacking, the choking...Simply put, I MISS SEX!


You just don't understand, I was getting it almost daily and I grew accustomed to that. AND it was GOOD sex at that, but that's not all that I miss.

I miss the super cakey, late-night talks that expound upon hopes and dreams that will never come into fruition. I miss the lazy days filled with food, movies and dumb ass jokes that no one gets. What I miss the most is saying non-intelligible sentences because I'm unable to really get my point across and knowing that when I say, "You know what I mean", they really knew what I meant.

In summation, I miss making memories, I miss being me.

Lent; what did you give up?

No, I'm not Catholic, but I still give up something for lent every year. My mom and dad were both raised Baptist but my grandfather now practices Catholicism. Anyway, junior year I gave up pop and Facebook but I don't remember what I gave up last year. Maybe I didn't give up anything... hm. Gotta think about that. Well, this year I gave up masturbation. Lets see how long that lasts...

(You know how I usually add a picture or something? Well I was going to add a picture of Jesus but is just didn't feel right having a picture of Jesus on the cross and a bunch of sentences about penis and masturbation)

Want to hear something funny?

I want to go to a psychic. I've always wanted to get an answer to all things unknown. Not sure if I told you that Halloween '10, I got my palm read by this weed head lol. We were blowed as hell, drunk as hell, and all on some fun shit. So there happened to be this one girl there named Kate, and apparently she knows how to read palms. I told her one thing, "Don't tell me about any "death" shit", she replied, "I can't figure that out from just reading your palm anyway". Kate proceeded to grab my left hand, and then promptly blew my mind...

So There's This Guy...

Ha! I totally peaked your interest didn't I?! But no, seriously there's this guy that I've known for the past couple of years and he's been trying to get on TOUGH! So he asked me today why won't I give him a chance, and you know what, he's a really cool dude (and he has a huge penis). There's one thing that's keeping me from really taking him seriously; he thinks Gucci Mane is the greatest rapper...

My Favorite Songs (At the Moment) Part 3

You know the deal, the title says it all. I'll add the videos later, I'm watching Dexter on Netflix so going on YouTube simultaneously will be a bit much at this moment.

*Since I haven't graced you with my musical presence in a while, I'll make this one a little long :-)
Thank Me Later (c) - Drake

Know You're Role

...and shut your hole! (c) Every Kid Who Liked Wrestling In the Early Millennium

I have to admit. I'm fucking awesome at somethings...others, not so much. For example, I'm great at cooking, and cleaning. I can grout, reseal, glaze and caulk anything you put in front of me. I can fix electronics and put together even the most complicated piece of furniture from Ikea without using instructions (#thuglife bitch I don't need instructions). Hell, I can rewire a house with simply a pair of pliers, some wire cutters, and testers (my grandfather is an electrician), but I CANNOT do plumbing.

Just In Case You Were Wondering

I still haven't had sex...Don't worry, I'm getting close tho. :-)

Ew, You're Used Now

About 3-4 years ago, I happened to be walking down the street on a warm summer day downtown and ran into this guy. Nervously, "Are you Jeff ___"? I said, he replied, "Yeah, you look familiar also", "We went to middle school together. I'm Christin", "Oh yeah I remember now! Yeah!"...So we exchanged numbers, and we talked all that day. I was super duper happy because I had ALWAYS had a crush on him but he moved to Virginia back when I was in 7th grade, he in the 8th. None of that mattered, I had a second chance...or so I thought.

Don't You Hate It When They're Right?

Warning: Most of the conversation that takes place within this post will be paraphrased. A lot of time has gone pass since the original conversation has taken place so some words may have been lost in translation.
My sincere apologies,
MGMT
 

Houghton!!

Have I talked to you since I've been back from Houghton? I don't think I have, but in summation, I had a great ass time. It makes me miss the shit outta GV. Below are pictures/videos that were made during the trip.

So we went sledding on the first day we were there, Cupcake couldn't find her snow legs lol

Lydia and Sanai

She couldn't get the hang of walking uphill

Cupcake & I taking a photo op between songs

In the studio

Ol perfect body bitch. I hate her, but I love her lol

Welcome Back

Don't judge me. Dogma was a great movie. Jesus is great.

I apologize. I know I've been gone for a while and I sincerely apologize. Don't think I haven't thought about you. Don't think that since I got my check, I became too big for my britches or anything lol. I have so much to catch you up on... I just hope that I remember it all.