The "It's Not You, It's Me" Conundrum

-What happened? Something must've happened?
-It's not you, it's me. 
-You're giving ME the, "it's not you, it's me", routine?
I invented "it's not you it's me"!
No one tells me "it's them, not me" if it's anybody, it's me! 
-ALRIGHT, George, it's you. 
-You're damn right it's me. 
-Look I was just trying t-
-I know what you were trying to do, nobody does it better than me. 
-I'm sure you do it very well
-Ye-yes, well unfortunately you'll never get the chance to find out.

 

I just love that skit lol but it does apply here. I woke up this morning to a phone call from my ex asking me about relationship advice. I don't understand why ppl ask me about relationships when clearly, I'm horrible at them. My girl-friends are smart.  They only question me about birth control or places to eat, you know, shit I know about! Every "guy" friend comes to me for advice, including exes bec, "you're 3 steps away from being a guy. You go to the strip club, you touch ass, go home and have sex! It just happens to be with a guy. You have all the girly parts w/ the mind of a guy". I guess... 


Anyway, he falls into the "ex w/ a baby on the way" category and he was asking me how should he introduce her to his mom. I was fucking flabbergasted at that question. I had no idea that she had never met his family in the year they had been together...found out, she was the side chick, so she had never met the family. All I could think about at that point was the main chick and how she felt about it all. You know me... 

Anyway, I gave him my opinion, he told me I was the best, and he asked me what I had been doing about my situation. He replied as he always did, "dude is fucking retarded" and finally I said to him, "didn't you do the exact same thing"? "I was different...", bec he moved. "I wasnt ready...", because supposedly I'm the person that ppl are supposed to marry, not just date.  "it was a mistake...", he cheated too. 

Its always something, I always get the "it's not you, it's me" speech. Mine is a little different though it's usually some variation of; "I'm the best" and "I'm awesome" and I should "never change", but damn it, the common denominator in every failed relationship is me. Doesn't that mean I'm fucking up somewhere?

The funniest part of the conversation I had was "you're the chick that would get a 'dick-in-a-box' as a 'just because' gift and be happy bec you like sex as much, if not more, than the guy"...sad but true.