I'm In A Funk

You know I always like to drop the random knowledge on y'all lol

and it comes and goes. It's especially rough at night. The simplest way to put it, I'm tired. Simply tired.


I guess I'll start with talking about a friend of mine. She and her boyfriend recently broke up because she cheated. The part that fucks me up is that she wasn't the person to tell me; her boyfriend did. Dude was an angel. He did any and everything she ever asked for, and even things that the didn't. I always said he reminded me of myself. Anyway, she cheated on him, told him the next day, and now she's talking to the new guy. Sound familiar? She was torn on what she wanted to do because she knew her ex would make her happy and would do anything for her, but she's so intrigued by the new guy. Dude instantly forgave her (literally, like an hour later), said I love you and lets work it out, she replied, "No. I'm not sure if I want to be with you". You already know I called her all types of stupid lol. What bothers the most is how she's not really affected by it. When she decided to tell me, she was kinda laughing at how he was trying to save the relationship, and that pissed me off. I felt bad for him because I was in his place not even 5 months ago.

Anyway, she never really misses him, and if she does, she just calls the new guy to take her mind off of him. Who is not attractive at all, btw. My whole thing is, if you're going to cheat, at least fucking upgrade. Sure it'll hurt either way to be cheated on, but shit if the bitch is beautiful, I could at least understand you a little. If the bitch is a mud duck...Imma be furious (hence the reason why I'm still mad now), but I digress... SO! All in all, it's a shitload easier for her to move on because she has something (and someone) else to bide her time. Yesterday I was trying to explain that but it just wouldn't come out of my mouth. It's so much easier for the other person to get over it because they have this new person to lean on. They don't have to spend nights alone, go places by themselves, or wreck their fucking brains. Nope.

I guess what bothers me the most is that I...I feel cheated. Before everything went south, I was happy, I was comfortable, and I was content. When I really start to think about it, my frustration has nothing to do with him. I'll think about starting over and I just feel drained. I'll think about everyone before and I feel doubtful that there will be someone else that will give me that feeling. I'm tired of thinking. I'm tired of wondering when everything will be ok.

I hate complaining. I hate dwelling on this shit. I keep thinking, 'Life could be so much worse, and I dwell on this'? As soon as I start thinking about it, I try and suppress it, but it doesn't work. Or, I'll block it for a little while, but then it'll resurface when I drink. I try to take comfort in the fact that everything happens for a reason, and that there is an end to it all. I just want to wake up and it all be a dream, or that it's all over...

Eh, ignore me. I just needed to see it all written out and organized, thought it might make sense...it doesn't lol.