First, let me start at the beginning. It's Thursday, so you know I was at Snookers. The DJ Raw Dawg played, "I Need Love" by LL CoolJ, and Cupcake sang the song for 45 minutes. Actually, to say she sang the song is an overstatement. She simply would repeat, "I Need Love" for 45 minutes. Randomly. Again, I'll say it; 45 minutes!
Anyway, I began to think "I need love". I was temporarily caught up in feelings. I was being real cat. You know the 23rd of December made 2 years since Claude and I broke up. When the day came I didn't even notice it. To be honest, I didn't notice it had past until the 27th!
The thing I remember the most, in addition to crying in the car when I was driving home and playing "Blame Game" on repeat (which is pretty fucking funny now that I look back at it), was Ashley telling me, "I know what I'm saying right now won't make sense until later on but, in time, you'll be ok. It just takes time". I never thought I'd get over it, but I did. I think Nicole took the break-up harder that I did...she still gets angry when she hears her name, and she'll tear up if I happen to tell a story about the time we were together; but I digress.
I think that bitch put me in a trance by repeating, "I need love" because I started thinking about all the shit that I did when Claude and I were together, and all the shit that normal people do when In a relationship.
Can't lie, I got depressed for like 45 seconds. I had to stop myself because I realized that I probably don't wouldn't know how the fuck to function in a relationship
When I started dating Claude I was 20 years old. I was naïve as hell. That was my first real, and I mean real adult, relationship. I've grown up so much since that relationship started, and ended, that I don't know if I truly know to be in a healthy adult relationship. What the fuck does that mean? Healthy relationship? That's so fucking oxymoron if I've ever heard one.
The rules have changed. When I was younger the dude didn't need much. We were both just starting out so while we had standards, they weren't placed as high as they are now. I'm in my mid-twenties. The time when it was acceptable to fall in love/like with the bad boy that stays in his grandmother/mother's basement, sells weed and had a big dick, is over.
Ok, maybe if he had a big dick, but he has to at least have a job!
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