:-/

Sometimes I wish I wasn't wired the way that I am. I'm this way out of necessity, not want. If only it wasn't necessary for me to be so cynical. I figure I might as well blog it out because whn I say the issue to my guy friends they look @ me like I'm crazy. I guess this starts with Devin....


So I believe I told you all the bullshit I was going through with flake-ass Devin. After he moved here, I saw him once...very life changing event *rolls eyes*. So I'm bored, and after talking to him about 3times (which might be an exaggeration) in 4 months, I decided to txt him to see what was up. So I'm chatting it up & shit and I happen to hit him with the,

"So what you been up to? Any new ladies in your life?" question, and he said, "Nah not really just talking to this chick I've been off and on with for the past year & a half"...'You mothafucka! I could punch you in your face and kick you in your shin', is what I wanted to say, but in actually it came out like, "OMG THAT'S WONDERFUL"!

I acted like the concerned friend and asked why it was off & on but really, I gave no fucks. I had already got to the point a while ago whn I stopped putting energy into that. The funny part was that I instantly stopped whn I called him out on his bullshit and he said, "no don't think that, I like you, I just haven't been having much time, it'll be different soon". Nope, it never was. Ugh!

Then there's Brandon, new dude, work with him, went out on one date & now he's acting funny. Like, different. Of course I care, but at the same time I don't because I started breaking ties on Saturday when I observed him being different. I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt and just say that he might be busy preparing for his trip, but, I know better.

As much as it's hard to tell yourself that someone you like doesn't care, and it's even harder to stop checking your phone to see if you missed a txt from your beau, it's the worst when you've been blind sided and put all your energy into something that will never come to fruition. Work towards something that will never be yours; not even for a second.

I slipped up and sent him a txt bec I happen to be up & wanted to talk to someone, but that'll probably be the last one I send unprovoked. To sum it up: I hate dating. The gray area, the trying not to hurt people's feelings; THE UNCERTAINTY is waaaaay too much for my cynical mind & heart to bare. Sex w/o emotional ties. You may not have anyone to hold hands and go to the movies with, but you won't be stressed & sexually frustrated.

Until nxt time.

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