Facebook is a social utility that connects you with the people you went to high school with, family members, people you had one class with in college and pregnant bitches around you...

Should really be their tag line.


So I've been on Facebook heavy for the past couple of months. This is something that I haven't really done since I gave FB up for lent my senior year in college. It seems like people are either getting engaged, married, pregnant, or having babies. If that felt like a sentence full of redundancy and repetition, that's because that's what my timeline looks like. Oh and food and Trump videos...that's literally my whole timeline.

So I scroll, and I see people (some I've previously dated and wrote posts about lol) are either, married, engaged, soon to be engaged, or pregnant. The people that they're married to, engaged to, soon to be engaged to or pregnant by, are all people that I once worked with or went to the same school. Long story short: every body I know fucking and marrying each other.

I was a Comm major; I studied relationships and I understand why this happens. The simple version is that people who shared pivotal moments in their lives i.e, college, high school, careers-find commonality and form bonds based upon that. Throw in extended work hours, alcohol, and a mutual hatred for upper management/job position and you have an all out orgy on your hands! Here's where the problem comes in: I never shit where I eat! I graduated high school and I never had sex w/ anyone there. Never had sex with anyone at GVSU (well ok, there was head that one time with that one guy freshman year but that don't count). I never had sex with anyone at Enterprise (ehhh I think there might have been a one time head situation there too). Quicken loans; nothing (I'm super sure there wasn't). So if I go by the laws of Facebook, and most communication theories, I'm screwed!

This led me to have a conversation with my good ol buddy Claude. He happened to ask me what should he do about girls saying that they like him, and that he hates when that happens. My first response was an immediate and deadpan, "Iono what that life be like". He believes that when most women say that they like him, they're not saying that "I like you, and I'd like to continue to hang out with you to see if this could potentially progress into something", they normally mean, "I'm two convos and a sexcapade away from being in love with you". I'm definitely the former; rarely the latter.

During this conversation I started thinking more and more about my Facebook. I started thinking about how no one ever approaches me. I started to think about the times I've put myself out there via speed dating, single bars, solo excursions, only to go home empty handed. Not to even mention that I worked for two companies who have a large pool of good looking, educated and well compensated young men. Shit, everybody and their Daddy (literally) work for Quicken. Unfortunately that meant he had to hear this rant:

"I'm not saying that I'm unhappy at life and that, 'Oh woe is me I really want to be in a relationship', but I can't lie, the Kid is a little shook. If all these people are doing are fucking and marrying people that they've worked with, and I'm 27 and never had even an iota of a relationship similar to that, when/where am I gonna meet my whomever? I'm 27 and for all intents and purposes, I've only been in one relationship and we both know how that ended. I do super awesome shit by myself, and I'd like someone to share it with. I can't be any more open than how I am, I can't be any more approachable. I can walk out the house suited and booted or I can be bummy; never is anything said. I can count on one hand, and still have fingers left over, the number of times where I've been approached by a guy (it's been 3)."

He interjected, "You have a look on your face that says 'I'm not here for your shit'. So if there's a guy who may not approach you because he'll think, 'if I'll fuck up she'll rip my dick off so I'll go over here to this girl who I don't think will fuck me up'".

I can give him that, but that only eliminates the club approachers, I'm not like that at work. Im the loud, boisterous, ever energetic, jovial, singular black girl in my banking region. I'm not trying to say everybody knew me, but you'd know that I was approachable about any and everything.

I'm not sure of how the conversation ended, but the babies, food instructional videos, sangria tips, 'Save The Dates' and Arthur Memes continue to flood my timeline...and I'm to the point where I'm indifferent to it all. When He sees fit, it'll happen. I don't question, I just wait...*crosses leg and taps foot*