Why Date 'Em If Ya Not Wifein 'Em?

Cause we too old fa all that...

and it doesn't seem like a proper use of your time.

So I was talking to a friend who has been in a relationship for almost two years. I'm a bit biased, cause he's my friend, but the chick wasn't the best of people. There were questions of infinity, lack of intimacy, communication, and a lot of self victimization going on. Of course this is an outside looking in kinda thing, so this is strictly my thoughts and opinion.

So one day he's telling me various stories and issues that they have, and Im just flabbergasted at the things that he's telling me. Me being me, cause it wouldn't be me if I didn't ask some crazy shit, I asked, "why are you with her"? He said he didn't know. I actually hear this answer quite a bit, and I guess because I haven't been in many relationships, it hasn't made a lot of sense to me. It's kinda like how I didn't understand that episode of Deadly Women when all those girls committed those crimes because their first love/boy friend/virginity taker convinced them to. Not. I. Said. The. Duck.

Anyway, so he said he didn't know why he was with her. A couple of weeks later I asked him would he have children with her, he said no. I asked the big question-"Would you marry her"? The answer was a resounding "Hell Naw"-kinda like the man that Foolish and Mr Chase used to play on FM98 in the morning. So the next question I asked was, "why are you with her if you know this isn't ultimately who you'd want to be with?"

From that conversation to this now, I've thought about and observed the difference between how men and women react/think about the possibility of spending forever with the person that they're dating. I even took it a step further and thought about how I specifically thought about this ideal. Here's what I found: Guys-the percentage/likelihood of guys that thought about their current s.o as their spouse correlated to their age. Women I found to be pretty similar, but the starting % was higher with women. So an 18 yo woman be more likely to think about "spouse material" in the person they're dating than an 18yo male. Makes sense? Probably. More than likely you probably agree. Of course there are those outliers that may be completely opposite, but everyone understands and expects that.

Then there's me, and I think I'm a special subset of people. Surprisingly, it isn't as narcissistic as it initially sounded. Lol. I'm a part of the crew that started thinking about spouse compatibility early on and didn't date unless she found someone who fit those qualities. Then, dated sporadically, and altered those ideal characteristics, abilities, and intelligence requirements as they got older. See, the amount of people who match that is few and far between (oh yes, they exist in some variation of my description everywhere. I'm aware of this because I'm friends with a lot of them), but they exist.

Now what usually happens is they find who they want, and they usually end up with who they're supposed to be with. Since they were aware of what they wanted in a relationship, there was never a question of why they were with someone. That person is someone that they see themselves ending up with. Simply put-I'm not the type that's going to be in something that's not working, and if I am fighting for something, it's because I feel they're the one.

Like if it's a nigga living in his grandma basement, and working as a bagger at a local grocery store, and has a 3 year old son, and drama with his baby momma, and borrows your car, and stresses you out cause he keep bringing you STDs, and you stay with him because, "Girl, dick TOO bomb". GTFOH! That's nothing worth stressing.

If it's a guy that has a 9-5, and is doing something during the day, and maybe they have children but the children are taken care of, and he doesn't have the most money but knows how to save, and you want for nothing, and we have the same interests, and he's family oriented, and he loves to please you, and the D2B, but he hasn't made time for you in the past couple of days and it makes me feel some type of way. Now that, THAT is what I call a reason to stay and try and fight for it.

That's the way to live lol. That shit sounded LIT lol. I'm tryna see what that be like *Day Day Voice*