Adventurous

So whn I was talking the non-scenic route to work, I used to pass a video store by the name of "Video Exclusive". They also had a sign that said, "Great selection of Adult DVDs for sale". By now, you know I love anything associated w/ porn, so I made a mental note of it for later.

Thursday, Cupcake & I went to Red Lobster for "Friday Food & Drinks" since I was leaving for Fort Wayne on Friday to visit my grandfather. On the way there, I noticed that the video store was directly across the street from the Red Lobster. I was determined to get "This Is Not The Good Times" which is a porn parody. After looking around & laughing for about ten minutes, Cupcake came across the parody section. The titles...the subjects...ridiculous.

Anyway, I left w/ "Not The Good Times" & "Not The Cosbys" prts one and two. Got home, and found out the DVD/cd portion of my laptop doesn't work anymore...so sad.

Dope.

Sex On The First Date? Don't mind if I do!

I don't give a shit about givin it up on the first night That just let me know she know what she want out of life What a hell of a way to goddamn wake up


Lately on Twitter I've been seeing a discussion about "sex on the first date" and to be truthful, I believe in it.

I have no problem w/ fucking on the first date. I'm eventually going to do it anyway so why should i hold out for weeks and weeks, knowing that Im going to fuck them eventually anyway. Most dudes change after sex, so why should I waste my time making myself wait, only to find out that the dude ain't about shit and can't fuck *Kanye Shrug*.

Mass Bird-icide

Maybe it's just been happening to me, but it seems like whenever I'm out driving, I've had at least one run-in w/ a bird. For example, one day I was driving to work and there was a bird by the curb. When I got closer, the bird decided to take off, very, very slowly. I almost ran into the fucking bird. I literally scared the shit out of it bird because it shitted on my window.

Then there was another time, also when I was driving to work, where a bird was walking across the street. I had to swerve out of the way in order to avoid hitting it. It still never flew away. The indignant bastard.

Maybe I should see what bird plays for in the dream book so I can play that shit in the lottery...get that money mayne.

"Aye, there's this orgy, you wanna go w/ me?"

That's what I asked Etana on my way home yesterday. I was joking of course, but I wanted to see what she was going to say. She said no, I kinda figured she would, but I just wanted to push her a little further. So I kept going on, made up a location, and time, and asked her again, "So will you go w/ me". Her response was, "No, I'm a mother"...simply stating that you're a mother doesn't make the reasons that you wouldn't want to go an orgy readily transparent, but I digress.

So I say, "it's just like watching a porn" and she doesn't watch porn. Finally I just said, "well I'm going. Are you going w/ me?" she said no. So I started to think like damn, she would really let me go on my own. I finally told her I was joking after about 5 minutes and she said, "aw man. I really thought you were serious. I definitely wasn't going to go". Wtf kind of friend lets another friend go to an orgy by themselves?! And it wasnt like she was trying to talk me out of it. She was just saying "no".

I was telling Victor about it today, and he also knows about how she left me at the club on new years eve (see my very first post for that story) and said, "Shit, maybe y'all need to evaluate yall friendship, LOL". He thought it was hilarious.

On some other shit, going to an orgy is on my Bucket List. I have to do it (see one
/participate in one)sometime before I reach 25...def before 30...

When Being Friendly Goes Wrong

Apparently I'm a huge flirt but it rarely, if ever, works to my advantage. For example, I could be "nice" (that's my version of flirting) to someone all night. Laughing, smiling, telling jokes, all of the normal "Christin" stuff that people call flirting, and the guy never bites. When I'm on some drunk, "I'm being stupid w/ my friend" shit, a dude decided to ask me for my number. Listen here, this is the FIRST time that shit has ever happened. In all of my years of going to clubs & bars, I NEVER get asked my number on some "let's chill" type shit...but I digress.

So I'm out w/ Cupcake for our patented Friday, food & drink Friday and I'm being my normal self w/ the bartender Frankie. He's kinda cute, nothing to write home about, but not so horrible to be banished to the bell tower. I'm fucked up, I'm flirting, and he decides to ask for my #. I'm my alcohol induced haze, I agreed to this. Gave him my number, he said he'd call me, and I left.

He called, we texted, no profound conversations or anything, but just small "good mornings" & "how ya doings". So yesterday I asked, "do you live alone", I held my breath for the response. I just knew that a 31 year old bartender/Dj/jack-of-all-trades HAD to live alone...but he hit me w/ that patented response

"Nah, not right now. I got my dad & my sister living w/ me right now"

That could quite possibly be true but, WE DON'T BELIEVE YOU! Told you I never catch the ones that I want...so I'll keep searching for that one that warms my heart & puts out my fires.

Until next time...

It's Gonna Be A Big Nut Bust

I posted this on my old blog before the divorce, but in honor of reliving the hilariousness that is Boss Nigger, I feel that we should let the random homeless guy also get a reshowing...

Also came across a band named, Does It Offend You, Yeah , who decided to sample the video and made a dope song out of it. Check it out...