2017 has been a trip...but I ain't gone trip tho.
...but let me break it down so that it can forever and consistently be broke.
Dog died Jan 17th. Shit ended with Situationship Feb 3rd-8th. Grandfather passed Feb 16th. Jesus be a fence, a shot of Henny, a vacation and a safe place. I need it all.
I also need dick too but I did NOT want to mention that in the same paragraph where I'm asking 'You Know Who' to be a fence...ya know?
How am I doing? I'm doing. That's the easiest way to describe it all. All 3 deaths (yes, the Situationship was a death as well, you'll see why later) felt like the end of what I thought were very secure and potentially obtainable goals. I always wanted my child/ren to grow up around my first dog. To catch those moments with their first dog, that I didn't get because I was older when we got Andy. I wanted my spouse/significant other to meet my Grandfather. I would have loved for my Grandfather to meet my children, and see how that bond would develop. Last but not least, I wanted to experience all those things with Situationship. Silly, silly, SILLY me.
The physical deaths are actually easier than the metaphoric one. Here's why: I still haven't talked to Situationship about what happened. He just stopped talking completely. No more texts, no more phone calls, no explanation. Actually, to be more specific, he spinned me, then he shut me out. The way my pride is set up, I just can't let that go unchecked. Plus, there's literally something that we have that prevents me from completely cutting him off. I've even sent him a text that said, "give me my shit and we never have to talk again". Nothing. NOTHING! We're adults and he's giving me the silent treatment when I've done nothing wrong.
At this point, it's more of a cool and calculated anger. Like, ohh I kinda hate him. Which hurts, cause to quote Aubrey, "if I ever loved you, I'll always love you. That's how I was raised".
Just over here with an occasional lump in my throat, hoping that I can get over it all before I leave for Europe in a couple of weeks...oh yeah, I'm going to Europe in a couple of weeks. *Funk Master Flex Horns* *Suck It Motion*
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