Man, Karma isn't nice!

So I was trying to find something on Netflix after I finished the 4th season of Psych. I was hoping that the 3rd season of Big Bang Theory was 'instant' and not 'disc only'...of course it was only available on disk. I became a fan of the show while I was with Claude but it was actually another ex that introduced me to the show. I started thinking about him, his name actually escapes me right now, and I started feeling really really bad because I cheated on him. He never knew about it, but now I think karma is finally getting me back...

Apparently I'm not a real Scorpio

I have this cousin that's absolutely great. She's a mirror of me but w/ bigger boobs, an ass, and a flat stomach. I hate her but I love her lol. Anyway, she skyped me earlier today because she read my blog and noticed that I'm always talking about how I'm not having sex, how I'm horny, & how "you did the dumbest shit ever and stopped touching yourself". She also decided to question me about my sex life. Read on:
(I combined multiple messages to save space...)

Sardidoh: hey bitch

Me: hidey ho-ho

Sarididoh: so what's this shit about you giving up loving yourself?

Me: what the hell you talking about Sari?

Sarididoh: blog bitch. Your blog.

Me: talking about me giving up masturbation? Lol. I love myself, im just not rubbing myself lmao.

Sarididoh: you're a disgrace to all Scorpio's out there. No Scorpio will ever say they not going to beat off

Me: well I don't have a penis so I'm not beating off but I get what you're saying. Lol

Sarididoh: that's not funny. And you're not fucking right now? How in the hell do you not have anyone to fuck?! What about an ex or something?

Me: well there isn't that many to choose from, & you know I really only want one in particular.

Sarididoh: fuck that nigga, & what do you mean there aren't that many to choose from? You're not a virgin!

Me: yeah but I'm not a ho neither. I can count on two hands, and I won't even need all off the fingers on the 2nd one

Sarididoh: you need to be using the fingers on that 2nd hand Lmmfao. But seriously that's it? WTF type of scorpio are you? I'm killing you in the number game

Me: that's fine

Sarididoh: no bitch, it isn't. Are you sure you're bday is w/in the the right range? Bec you are the most prudish Scorpio I know

Me: yes bitch I know whn my fucking bday is

Sarididoh: oh yeah, you're an oct one. You a liborpio lmao

Me: bitch a what?

Sarididoh: a libra/scorpio. All the nastiness of a scorpio and the emotions of a libra #youaintreal

Me: oh alright. WTF. Crazy bitch

Sarididoh: you should fuck my pers. Yall will have fun

Me: right

Sarididoh: see, there you go with that withholdin and prude shit. That's why you horny right now. Ain't you?

Me: fuck you bitch don't judge me...take your white wig off. Lol

I think I should have thought this through

As you know, I decided to give up 'bating for Lent & I think I made the dumbest choice ever in life. I really really didn't think this shit through! I thought it would be easy to do bec I've done it before, & it's not like I'm addicted to 'bating. I just like to do it. I should've thought about the fact that I'm not having sex, & haven't had any for a while. I should have thought about the fact that I have an abnormally high sex drove so the combination of no sex, plus no way to relieve my urges would result in restlessness.

I've been laying here for the past couple of hours trying to figure out how I can 'arrive' w/o violating what I gave up. So far, I've figured out that I can either have sex, get Brandon (euphemism for oral), or have someone else rub it for me. The problem w/ that is, I don't have anyone lined up to do ANY of those.

Sheesh.

Can't Think Of Anything Catchy

I miss sex. I miss the grabbing, the flipping, the ass smacking, the choking...Simply put, I MISS SEX!


You just don't understand, I was getting it almost daily and I grew accustomed to that. AND it was GOOD sex at that, but that's not all that I miss.

I miss the super cakey, late-night talks that expound upon hopes and dreams that will never come into fruition. I miss the lazy days filled with food, movies and dumb ass jokes that no one gets. What I miss the most is saying non-intelligible sentences because I'm unable to really get my point across and knowing that when I say, "You know what I mean", they really knew what I meant.

In summation, I miss making memories, I miss being me.

Lent; what did you give up?

No, I'm not Catholic, but I still give up something for lent every year. My mom and dad were both raised Baptist but my grandfather now practices Catholicism. Anyway, junior year I gave up pop and Facebook but I don't remember what I gave up last year. Maybe I didn't give up anything... hm. Gotta think about that. Well, this year I gave up masturbation. Lets see how long that lasts...

(You know how I usually add a picture or something? Well I was going to add a picture of Jesus but is just didn't feel right having a picture of Jesus on the cross and a bunch of sentences about penis and masturbation)

Want to hear something funny?

I want to go to a psychic. I've always wanted to get an answer to all things unknown. Not sure if I told you that Halloween '10, I got my palm read by this weed head lol. We were blowed as hell, drunk as hell, and all on some fun shit. So there happened to be this one girl there named Kate, and apparently she knows how to read palms. I told her one thing, "Don't tell me about any "death" shit", she replied, "I can't figure that out from just reading your palm anyway". Kate proceeded to grab my left hand, and then promptly blew my mind...

So There's This Guy...

Ha! I totally peaked your interest didn't I?! But no, seriously there's this guy that I've known for the past couple of years and he's been trying to get on TOUGH! So he asked me today why won't I give him a chance, and you know what, he's a really cool dude (and he has a huge penis). There's one thing that's keeping me from really taking him seriously; he thinks Gucci Mane is the greatest rapper...